Continuing a theme for the past few posts, I’ve been watching a family deal with the loss of their matriarch. Everyone is grieving in their own way, being given the space to do so, and supporting each other well. It’s really beautiful and healthy to see, and I’m grateful for it.
In this process, I’ve also seen something that made complete sense from Mom’s perspective when she decided it years ago but has unintended consequences now. It’s helped me realize that not all assets are created equal, and let me explain:
Decades ago, Mom bought a necklace with three lovely stones, one to represent each child, with the forethought that each would get their stone after she passed. A kind and caring gesture, to be sure. But what are the implications of this today? Three siblings are trying to sort out who gets the necklace or whether to deconstruct the piece.
This is an impossible choice because this necklace, while having some financial value, is really an emotional asset. While it is a fine piece of jewelry, it has way, way more intangible value than actual value, as it is imbued with Mom’s spirit. Each sibling rightfully wants “their” stone. Each sibling also wants to honor Mom’s memory via the necklace. What to do? Negotiate via other items? Rotate ownership? Destroy the keepsake and distribute the stones? Something else?
How can we divide these kinds of assets, ones with deep emotional value, gracefully? What was Mom’s actual intent? How do we get everyone to a fair and equitable place? What if this wasn’t a necklace, but a car? Or a home? Or a family business? What then?
As I will repeat until I’m told not to: a good inheritance is not about the math, but about the planning, process, and paperwork. We have the ability to manage these moments gracefully, but it takes work today to ensure there isn’t a problem tomorrow. Together, we can have these conversations, do the work, and move our families forward…