It’s been a rough few days, as the family I noted in my last post lost their matriarch. I am gutted for each of them, for the family, and for their friends and community. Although not unexpected, I imagine this loss will reverberate for years.
What I want to highlight is the stark contrast between @KurtSupeCPA’s recent post and not just how, but why, this family is treating each other with such compassion and truly showing how to suffer with grace (h/t Dr. Amishi Jha and her book Peak Mind). They are quite literally suffering with grace, helping each other, being kind, and supporting one another. It’s quite beautiful.
Why? They have had the hard conversations. They have at least a jump on organizing the paperwork (wills, trusts, life insurance policies, health directives, etc) so that the estate plan is clear. They have enlisted the help of the professionals who help with the business of the family. They have planned, and the planning is the critical part, even if the plans are not perfect.
Contrast this with the example from @KurtSupeCPA:
"The real loss? Thanksgiving dinners. Weddings. Grandkids who'll grow up with half a family. Here's what could have changed everything: A trust that let the caregiver buy out her siblings over 7-10 years. A clause requiring market appraisals—not panic selling. An honest conversation BEFORE mom died about who contributed what. Mom thought "split it equally" was fair. She was wrong. Equal isn't fair when one child gave up 5 years and the others gave up nothing.”
Do we have to do this work? No…but see where that gets you. We have the ability to keep more money in the family AND have a better family dynamic. We have the chance to manage the $85T of wealth being passed down now and move our families forward…